dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
