oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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