The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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