Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
