mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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