totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
