i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
