He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
