I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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