Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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