Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
