im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
now i know why i became what i already was.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
