the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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