I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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