That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
