lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
