i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
