I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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