I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
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