Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
