ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
