Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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