see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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