So drunk its hurt
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
