I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
