you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
