we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
