Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
