Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My vagina just clenched in fear
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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