Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
