I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
