Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
