I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
