I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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