whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
