Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
