Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
