Heybabeimwearingurpanties
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
