I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
