I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
