How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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