U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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