But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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