Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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