As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
