Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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