Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
