oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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