Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
