Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
