Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
