it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
